Love and intimacy

Love is a difficult concept to define. It is a feeling of connection between two people which provides an opportunity for trust, intimacy and respect to develop.

It can start for some with an intense passion which can feel wonderful and romantic which then over time deepens into something more solid and longer lasting. Love is something that we need as it is recognised that infants denied love do not thrive. In a healthy relationship love is allowed to flourish and is given without conditions. Successful relationships are generally based on trust and the knowledge that each other’s wellbeing is of equal importance. For love to last a lifetime people generally need to work at their relationship, take nothing for granted and grow and change together.

Attraction

There are a number of different components that attract us to someone:

We often have ideal attributes in mind
Our choice of lover or partner is the result of many different influences; from parents or caregivers, friends, family, our environment, our education, our beliefs, our heroes and heroines and so on
Many people find themselves drawn to parental figures – if we had a particularly good relationship with our parents – felt loved and accepted – we may search out a similar “type” for ourselves. This of course is a very basic example and for most of us attraction is more complex than this.
Many of our influences accumulate unconsciously – but when we do meet someone special we usually know straightaway or we come to recognise it relatively quickly. This can lead to a powerful reaction and the sense of “falling in love”.
At the initial stages of a relationship we tend to idealise our partner and it’s only over time that we see the real person
It would be unrealistic to expect anyone to fulfil our fantasy of the ideal mate but happily for the human race most people can still love someone despite their faults and human failings.
It is a test of true love if we can come through bad times with our partner, forgive them their mistakes and learn to change and adapt with them.

Intimacy

The ability to be intimate with another person can be a most rewarding aspect of our lives. This intimacy can be expressed in different ways including verbally, physically and emotionally. Intimacy is a normal aspect of most long-term relationships. During relationship difficulties it can be difficult to maintain intimacy. Difficulty in resolving difficulties connected to loss of intimacy can be one reason for accessing support and seeking help.

Creating and maintaining intimacy: