Family is very important to many people. When dealing with issues involving family members it can sometimes be difficult to remain calm and impartial.
A healthy family life depends upon all its members playing their part in providing love and support to each other.
Good communication is key and the corner stone in resolving issues that are bound to arise from time to time. Understanding other’s points of view can be challenging especially between the generations.
Remember that family issues will arise, and avoidance is not an option; communication, guidance, boundaries and respect are important in order to maintain family harmony.
Step families
Major changes brought about by the merger of two previously separate families coming together as one may well be a testing time for all concerned.
It is reasonable to expect sibling rivalry and it could take time for bonds to be established. It is worth noting that in some families close bonds may never happen completely and an uneasy truce may exist with occasional upsets. The loss/separation/sharing of a parent for whatever reason is bound to have an impact and only support, understanding and communication can start the healing process.
There is no point in setting time-scales for the bonding process as whilst some may find it easier than others, for some it may never happen. It is of paramount importance to set the barriers for co-existence to avoid misunderstandings or miss-interpretation by family members of the rules of the home.
- Good role models are important and using timely and fair guidance clearly communicated can lessen and maybe prevent disagreements. Children learn from what they witness around them; being able to do this calmly is something they can take with them through life
- Treating everyone with respect and acknowledging individual needs will in return nurture respect towards you and other family members.
- Spending time as a family helps the bonding process, try not to force it but make it interesting enough to a reluctant onlooker to want to join in.
- Giving yourself time alone for your own interests is important also. Remember finding a balance can sometimes be difficult, but time for yourself is healthy and will be rewarding in the long run.
If family conflict persists it may well be worthwhile considering other options such as family therapy or counselling.
One parent families
Being the sole parent of a family inevitably brings with it increased responsibilities otherwise shared with a partner. Some major issues include:
- Managing time effectively
- Working within financial constraints
- Discipline and boundaries
- Guilt about being a lone parent
- Dealing with own grief and that of the off-spring if the other parent has died.
Helping the process of adjustment
- Strengthening bonds by ‘doing things together’ both fun and serious activities.
- Agree responsibilities with your child and reward achievement; a simple acknowledgement of a job well done is often all it requires.
- Ensure that boundaries are in place to give structure; they are not always welcome but can often prevent misunderstandings becoming major problems.
- Make time for any school events or activities involving your child.
- Support from friends, family or support groups will lessen your own anxiety.
Setbacks and conflicts are normal in any family, it is however important that they are seen to be dealt with fairly to avoid repetitions. Parenting is not an exact science, accept you will make mistakes.
Family therapy
The process of interaction between family members is an important factor in psychological health.
The theory of the Family System suggests that individuals cannot be understood in isolation from one another, but rather as a part of their family, as the family is an integrated emotional unit and can be both a positive and potentially negative influence on the health and wellbeing of family members. Families are systems of interconnected and interdependent individuals, none of whom can be understood in isolation from the system
When there are psychological, emotional or behavioural problems affecting one member of a family, family therapy may be offered to help. Family therapy has been used effectively in the full range of human dilemmas; there is no category of relationship or psychological problem that has not been addressed with this approach. Family Therapists will work on the assumption that, regardless of the origin of the problem, and regardless of whether the clients consider it an “individual” or “family” issue, involving families in solutions is often beneficial. This involvement of families is commonly accomplished by their direct participation in the therapy session. The skills of the family therapist thus include the ability to influence conversations in a way that catalyses the strengths, wisdom, and support of the wider system. The concept of the ‘family’ is broadly defined in terms of strongly supportive, long-term roles and relationships between people who may or may not be related by blood.
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