Listening is one of the most important skills you can develop. How well you listen has a major impact on your effectiveness at work, and on the quality of your relationships with others. As we go about our normal, daily business we listen to learn, understand, obtain information and for our enjoyment.
With all this listening going on you could reasonably expect that we would be good at listening however studies suggest that we only hear between 25% and 50% of what is being said. Clearly then we are not hearing the whole message.
Becoming a better listener will help you to improve your relationships, as well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. It will help in avoiding conflicts and misunderstandings. Listening is a much under-rated skill.
Becoming an active listener
Active listening takes practice. You must make a conscious effort to hear more than the words that are being said by the other person and try to understand the total message that is being sent out. There are key elements to observe when trying to improve your listening skills, each will help you to hear the other person and let the other person know that you are hearing what it is they are saying.
Firstly, stop talking and remove distractions. This means being prepared to turn off the TV, move away from your computer, close the door. Show the other person that you want to hear them. Look at them and listen to their whole-body language. Give them your full attention. Show the speaker you are receptive to what they are saying, smile or nod occasionally, be aware of what your own body language is conveying.
As a listener we need to check out our understanding of what is being said so learn to summarise the main points. Not only does this ensure you have heard correctly but it also lets the speaker know that you have been listening and that they have been heard. Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing and repeating key words, this can help open up the conversation and encourage the other person to speak in more depth. Don’t forget to ask questions: make sure you use open questions like who? what?, where?, how? and when? to encourage the other person to say more. What do you mean when you say that? Where did this happen? How were you affected? This helps to check out your understanding of what is being said and also allows the speaker to clarify the situation for them. Allow the speaker to finish, interrupting limits the full understanding of the message and just frustrates the speaker. Defer judgement. Treat the other person as you would like to be treated, be open and honest with your response whilst offering your opinions respectfully. React appropriately and think about what you are saying.
Old habits can be hard to break but with a degree of concentration and determination they can be changed. Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself constantly that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Start using active listening today to become a better communicator and improve your relationships.
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