It’s important to realise several things about anger before you start tackling it. First, anger is a normal process that has allowed humans to evolve and adapt. It isn’t a bad thing in itself, but problems occur if it isn’t managed in the right way.
Secondly anger is also a mixture of both emotional and physical changes. When you feel angry you experience a big surge of energy that goes through your body as chemicals, such as adrenaline, are released. This leads to a number of symptoms or indicators.
Symptoms of anger can be divided into two distinct types: Aggressive and Passive.
Aggressive anger symptoms
- Vengeful, punitive
- Threatening behaviour
- Bullying, oppressing others
- Physically acting out towards others, inflicting violent harm
- Destructive – such as destroying property
- Selfishness – being inconsiderate of others’ needs and feelings
- Unpredictable or explosive rage
- Blame and accusations.
Passive anger symptoms
- Inflicting self-harm – physical violence directed at self
- Dispassionate, cold
- Ignoring people – giving the “silent treatment”
- Manipulation
- Martyrdom, dramatic self-sacrifice
- Avoidance
- Cynicism, resentment, inflexible.
If you want to change recurrent and destructive patterns of anger it can help if you understand where your anger patterns began through a re-examination of your past.
Exercise in uncovering the roots of your anger
- Describe your mother’s behaviour when she was angry
- How did you know she was angry?
- Describe your father’s behaviour when he was angry
- How did you know he was angry?
- How did other family members behave when they were angry?
- During your childhood, how did you behave when you were angry?
- What messages did you get from your parents regarding;
- Your expression of anger?
- Was it OK or not OK to show your anger?
- How did you know it was OK or not OK?
In the future
- Do you want to express your anger differently?
- What changes will you consider making in how you express your anger?
Recognising why you get angry
It’s important to be aware of the positive feelings you get from anger as well as the negative ones.
By recognising the positive and negative feelings associated with your anger, you can begin to find other means of dealing with the issues that can trigger anger.
Cultivating positive outlets for anger can help.
Each person’s positives are different, so there will be different solutions for everyone, but some strategies might include:
- Trying a non-contact competitive sport
- Learning relaxation or meditation
- Banging your fists into a pillow
- Shouting and screaming in a quiet place
- Going running
Resolving the issues
If your anger is not resolved by this, make sure you’ve given enough thought to exactly what you’re angry about.
Keeping calm when angry
- Remind yourself to “Stay calm”
- Be aware of any expectations you might have and try to let go of these
- Detach yourself emotionally if possible
- Count backwards from 20 to 1
- Breathe deeply, count to 7 on the in breath and 11 on the out breath
- Remove yourself from the situation physically
- Go for a walk, ideally in a park or open space
- Visualise yourself in a calm tranquil place, e.g. sea or mountains, for about 2 minutes
- Remember life is unfair!
- Do yoga, meditation, swimming or de-stress with a regular relaxation programme
- Take up a relaxing hobby, e.g. gardening
- Relax in a bath whilst listening to chilled music
- Listen or dance to soothing music.
Managing anger
- Recognise your angry thoughts and begin to challenge them.
- Challenge any unhelpful thoughts or beliefs that don’t allow you to let go of anger
- Use relaxation and other ways to control the physical symptoms of anger
- Understand and control angry behaviour, try new calmer actions
- Improve communication and problem-solving skills
- Do not allow yourself to continue with long term critical beliefs about yourself.
workplacewellbeing.com assumes no responsibility for the content of linked websites.
