Divorce can be unpleasant and acrimonious. For the children, it is often quite a traumatic ordeal. They will find it hard to cope with the thought of their family changing forever, and of being separated from one of their parents. At this very difficult time it is important for both parents to ‘go the extra mile’ despite their own feelings to ensure that they act in the interests of the children in a nurturing and mature way.
Parents are human beings
They will need to separate parenting issues from the issues concerning the reason for the split. It is important the children understand that above all else it is not their fault and that just because their parents cannot live together it does not mean that they are loved any the less by either parent. It is important to try and keep emotions in check. Parents are human beings and as such not perfect but remember that before you start criticising each other in front of the children it will not help them adjust positively to the situation and can damage their confidence and self-esteem.
In some cases parents are unable to reach an agreement about residency or contact; if this is the case it will be decided by the courts in the form of a Residence or Contact Order.
What is a residence order?
It states where the child will live and with whom. It will automatically give parental responsibility for the child if they do not already have it. Parental responsibility obtained as a result of a residence order continues until it ceases. A residence order lasts until the child is 16 unless there are exceptional circumstances where it has been ordered it should continue for longer.
What is a contact order?
This is an order that requires the person with whom a child lives to allow that child to visit, stay or have contact with a person named in the order. This will continue until the child is 16, only in exceptional circumstances will this be for a longer period. Contact is defined as face to face meetings with the person or indirectly such as video, exchange of greetings cards, or letters.
What is co-parenting?
Most divorced couples with children want to remain actively involved in their children’s lives. Co-parenting means sharing parenting responsibilities with an ex-spouse living in a separate household. Co-parenting is a conscious decision by both parents to put the children’s sense of security first and to work out an amicable relationship for the sake of their children. Co-parenting plans, often worked out during the divorce process, should be clear, practical and considerate of both households.
Co-parenting plans, also called “parenting plans” or “parenting partnerships,” are gaining popularity because of their benefit for the kids. Most experts agree that children adjust better to divorce when both parents continue to be active in their lives and when parents avoid putting the children in the middle of personal feelings and conflicts.
Who has parental responsibility?
If the parents of a child are married to each other at the time of the birth, or if they have jointly adopted a child, then they both have parental responsibility. Parents do not lose parental responsibility if they divorce, and this applies to both the resident and the non-resident parent.
This is not automatically the case for unmarried parents. According to current law, a mother always has parental responsibility for her child. A father, however, has this responsibility only if he is married to the mother when the child is born or has acquired legal responsibility for his child through one of these three routes:
- by jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother (From 1 December 2003)
- by a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
- by a parental responsibility order, made by a court.
Living with the mother, even for a long time, does not give a father parental responsibility and if the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not always pass to the natural father if the mother dies.
All parents (including adoptive parents) have a legal duty to financially support their child, whether they have parental responsibility or not.
Finances
If financial support for the children can be amicably agreed by the parents this is acceptable. However if this is not the case then application to the CSA can be made for child maintenance. Any payments prior to an agreement being set up should be recorded and signed or made via a bank account to prove payments transferred to avoid any huge arrears when the application is finalised.
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