When any relationship ends, be it with a partner, spouse, lover or friend it is generally the two people directly involved who will be most affected, but a parting of the ways is likely to have a ripple effect, impacting on family members, children and friends, so this can be a stressful and difficult time for others involved too.
There are many aspects to a relationship so when one comes to an end we can expect to experience multiple losses. These may include a loss of support, be it financial, social or intellectual, loss of a lover, and loss of companionship and shared experiences. As well as dealing with the emotional fallout you may find yourself having to deal with some form of legal proceedings. Having a better understanding of your feelings may help make your experience less painful.
The emotional impact
Grief and mourning are often only associated with bereavements but when we lose something or someone close to us we can expect to experience the same feelings of loss. There are typical emotional stages which you may recognise.
Shock and disbelief – The reality of your loss will take time to sink in. Your reaction could be hysteria, denial, or an inability to think straight. These are all-natural emotions that will help to cushion your loss and experience it more slowly.
As you struggle between denial and accepting reality you are likely to be confronted by feelings of anger, fear, sadness and guilt. Guilt may be particularly prevalent if it was you who instigated the end of the relationship.
Disorganisation – Overwhelming feelings of despair, anxiety and confusion. This is generally when the reality of your loss takes hold and becomes very real.
Reorganisation – Eventually most people will begin to see light at the end of the tunnel. In time you may be able to look back on your relationship and remember the happier times. Gradually you will begin to feel stronger with a greater acceptance of what has happened and be able to start rebuilding your life.
Of course these patterns are only a generalisation – Grieving and our reaction to loss is a unique process therefore the length and intensity of our feelings will vary from person to person as will the sequence of each phase. As there is no right or wrong way to grieve there is no set time frame.
Coping with your loss
You are not the first person to experience loss – Remind yourself that many others have found themselves where you are now and experienced similar, if not the same pain. The pain will subside with time. This is a natural process of events following the breakdown of a relationship.
Share your feelings – talk to close friends and family members. Seek professional support.
Keep things in perspective – challenge negative and irrational thoughts
Plan your time – fill in the emptiness. Make lists of things to do, a walk in the park, visiting friends, jobs that need doing, even the simplest of things, it will help.
Try and understand what went wrong within the relationship rather than focussing on individual responsibility. Relationships involve more than one person; the breakdown of the relationship is as much due to the other party as you.
If you have been affected by divorce, separation or a relationship breakdown and you would like to receive further information or support, you will find more detailed advice and information on the emotional and practical impact of relationship breakdowns contained in our website.
