There are many different routes to working out the way forward after a separation. Different couples will sort things out in different ways; some will sort things out themselves whilst others may choose help from outside of the relationship.
Some couples get help with separation from a relationship counsellor, or by way of mediation or through a solicitor but sadly some may never manage to reach an agreement and have to get the courts to make the decisions for them. The breakdown of a relationship can be a very painful experience and many people just want to get away from the situation as quickly as possible. This can result in costly mistakes. For those going through a separation, you may find the following information helpful
Your home
Whether your home is rented, or you have a mortgage, sooner or later you are going to have to reach a decision about what to do with your home. To help you make this decision you may want to think about:
- Who is going to stay and who will go?
- Will the house be sold and if so how will the proceeds be divided?
- Are you locked in a tenancy agreement?
- What will you do about possessions, what’s yours? – what’s your partner’s? – what belongs to both of you?
- Can you afford to stay, can you afford to leave?
- Should one of you decide to stay in the property?
- Make sure that the utility bills, and council tax are put in your name – if not the other partner could be pursued for payment if their name remains on the bill. A lone adult living in a property may be entitled to some discount when it comes to some bills.
- Are there any insurance policies which your partner may benefit from – such as endowment policies?
- Inform the landlord or mortgage lender that your partner has left.
Finances
Where there are joint bank accounts you will need to take action. If one of you has decided to keep the account, make sure that you notify the bank and change the account into one name only. If you have joint debts, or debts that have been built up jointly you will need to decide how you are going to address these. Legally, if the debt is only in one name, then that person alone is responsible for paying it. If you helped to accumulate the debt it is probably only fair that you agree to make a contribution, but no one can force you to do so. Both parties are liable for debts in joint names, any personal agreements made about paying these debts should be disclosed to the credit company. Should either party not keep the arrangement the credit company will then be able to take appropriate action.
If you are in receipt of any benefits you will need to notify the Department for Work and Pensions of the changes to your circumstances. If you have not been receiving any benefits your new circumstances may mean you are entitled to some help particularly if you have children.
Do you have a private pension, insurance policy? – Who is the beneficiary should anything happen to you?
If you have a will in which you have made your partner the beneficiary, you may want to think about changing this or destroying the will.
Children
It can be difficult to agree on matters involving children but where possible you should try to come to an agreement yourselves before involving the courts and of course you should always ensure the break up affects your children as little as possible. You will need to decide who will have custody of the children, where they will live, what contact they will have with the absent parent, how and when this will happen. You may wish to consider informing your child’s school/teacher about your separation, this could be helpful should there be any changes in your child’s behaviour.
Regardless of which parent the children live with, both parents are financially responsible for them with the absent parent paying child support. Where the absent parent is refusing financial assistance for a child you may wish to consider contacting the Child Maintenance Service.
Remember, nothing will remain the same, as time progresses both parents will move on, they may meet new partners, as the child grows older his/her needs will also change, therefore it will be necessary to constantly review any plans you have in place regarding access arrangements.
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to come to amicable agreements. If you and your partner have been unable to agree on matters relating to your separation, then you may need to consider involving other parties. This could be a mediator, a trained professional who will help you in trying to reach a decision, or you could employ a personal solicitor. Further information about all the matters outlined above is available on the web links below.
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